didn't even touch nyc...

and that's a damn shame.
As my year of a nomad comes to an end, it's easy to reflect and say.. wow, amazing; however, it's also easy to say that it wasn't easy. Language barriers, culture clashes, the suicide of a friend across the globe, low funding, missed opportunities, a couple bad grades, an apartment break in, lost friends... I discussed with a close friend after my return from europe the inevitable event of people asking you "how it was." As any person who has ever studied abroad or even simply traveled can tell you, it's damn near impossible to tell anyone How It Was. You're asking me to summarize the past four months of my life in the time that your attention will be paid to me. That's impossible. How do I describe the feeling of the terra cotta tiles or the dusty plaster paint in my italian apartment, how can I summarize the countless endless conversations with my roommate on the stoop, the smells, the heat, the taste of the water, the sounds, the comfort of the people who went as friends, and came back as family. Sounds so terribly cliché, but it's impossible to describe.
As I traveled around the globe, I gained parts of me I didn't know I needed, I lost parts of me I thought I'd never shake, I smelled things I'd hoped never to smell, I touched garments that cost more than cars, I brushed shoulders with people most can't dream of. At times I felt as though I didn't deserve to be doing what I was: I didn't always recognize the designers, or the celebrities, I felt guilt that my parents footed the bill; but the amount that I changed can't be quantified.
I have a different understanding, one that is completely unique, unrivaled, even by my fellow "year abroad"-ers, who each also have unique, beautiful changes. We bond in our differences.
When you know that you won't have a permanent Home for a year, you have to make every place you go Home. Where ever I'm sleeping that night is my home. I'm able to feel At Home anywhere, give me a blanket and a pillow, fresh undies and a glass of wine and I'll sleep anywhere. The ability to live your life a liquid, to fill whatever space you're given, is a feat. (Some might take that the wrong way- you should always try to be more than what you're given, you should always try to expand, I mean this to not be so rigid that you can't see the shape of different containers. It may also be metaphorically interesting to note that liquids do tend to leak out of their containers from time to time...)

xo

tea and cookies

halloween last night, SO fun. I'm going to miss the way we interact with people here. Last night we happen to be the locale for the impromptu party, which was awesome. People just kept coming over, even people who don't normally go out. I'm glad that we could host the good time for the people!

re: previous post

I GOT MY FRICKEN INTERNSHIP SUCKAS! YESSSS!
omg I'm so excited! I'm not totally hyped about the fact that it's in Cleveland, buuuut, I'm thinking that's okay because I really love the company, and the fact that they're in Cleveland is interesting because they do care about their city and it's good that they're trying to bring up the local economy. etc etc blah blah.
yay internship!

Internships

It has come to be the time in my life when I actually have to start looking for Real Jobs. Internships at Kent are required for graduation. And if you're a design student, they have to be Design Internships. That means no Coffee Bitch positions, no filing, etc. design. I hate having to suck up "dear human resources person, you poo smells like roses and your jizz is the sparleyest most wonderful jizz ever. please hire me"

anyway, I found this company on a random menswear blog and really really loved their designs and so when I started researching them I discovered that they're based in cleveland and that a bunch of girls I know from kent were listed on their collaborators list, as well as Kent itself! how rad! so I emailed them yesterday and I already got a response asking for pdfs of my stuffs! yay but I just realized I accidentally sent the email twice. ha. oops. ohwell. check em out! and wish me luck!

www.wratharcane.com

Also I miss being at Rockwell at 4 am feeding off the fact that I only have 6 more hours to finish something. That pressure and the energy in the workroom during that is indescribable. I miss Phil and David and Natalie and my other roll dogs.

drifting post

I'm finding myself missing Kent in ways I never thought I would. What I love most about Kent is how boring its establishments are in their diversity, and how much that fact makes the people more interesting. The people I know there (and consider my friends) are some of the most creatively interesting people I have ever met and they inspire me in ways I didn't know others could. Kent is a big art school for those of you who don't know; its best programs are Fashion Design, VCD (graphic design), Architecture and arguably anything in the Art Building. This makes for a diverse group of kids with incredible talent in almost every field imaginable. In addition to the er, professions (majors?) the people choose, since there isn't a lot to do, people have to make things up (tuesday bike nights, brass monkey mondays, hot knees etc). The campus was best defined by the establishment that contained The Barn and The Green Room, until it was closed. Bros and Hipsters. Should I say Indie Kids? In any case, even with this dichotomy, 90% of the campus is comprised of friendly and outgoing people. There is always an art show going on somewhere, or a casting call, or one of your friends is shooting a video and needs your other friend to make the set for it, and a different friend to put together a sound track, they need you to style the actors and so on. I feed off of that creative energy, whether I realized it then or not; I realize it now.
I love the girls I'm here with. But to be constantly surrounded by the same people all the time is really wearing on me. I have always been a bit of a Drifter when it comes to friends and hangouts etc., and to not have the freedom to do Whatever TF I Want is really hard. The city is getting a bit stale to me, and I don't really have the time to go out and find sweet places to chill, and in addition, I don't really feel the desire (or feel comfortable enough) to try to make friends with the locals. Something tells me they're not exactly people I'm trying to get to know. Call it judgmental.
I'm excited to go to NYC.
I don't want to sound like I'm not having a good time here, I'm learning a lot. I'm learning a lot about myself and the Fashion Industry, but in a way it's the same as I felt at Evergreen, in that I don't really necessarily feel like I'm able to get that much creatively or intellectually from the people I'm here with. They're creative, and they're intelligent, for the most part, but I'm very different from them. In this way I'm learning about myself and growing because I'm HAVING to learn from them and with them, and so I guess that is beneficial. This does not include everyone here, let me be absolutely sure to note. There are definitely a few amazing people that I am going to make be life-long friends with me after this.

A good friend told me before I left, "Usually when people [study abroad] they become more laid back, but I don't really see how you could get more laid back..." True. I'm realizing more though how lucky I am to be who I am. How lucky I am that I had the upbringing I had, and how important that is going to be when (if...) I ever graduate and get flung into a professional world. From table manners to grammar, I feel every day increasingly like a more respectable, more intelligent and more well rounded person than a lot of others. Instead of becoming more laid back, I feel myself becoming more confident, more assertive; a more grown up Woman. I would have only with trepidation used the word Woman to describe myself before this experience. I'm excited to actually feel this growth happening. I'm feeling more and more ready to actually graduate and become a Real Human.

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
Chuck Palahniuk

paris

omg paris. I want to write a full cohesive report on it. soon to come. best city I've been to so far.